The Heavy Costs of Health Insurance

Do you know that the average American resident pays about $6700 in health insurance a year? Do you know why this is? It’s because America is the fattest nation in the world!! As a matter of fact, six out of seven most common chronic diseases that are caused or worsened by being GIGANTICALLY HUGE!!! cost employers $1.1 trillion in lost productivity alone. Here’s another little nugget of useful information: Some insurance companies charge a 10% to 30% increase in premiums depending on how gargantuan you are! Here’s one more tidbit of info: You fatasses are the reason why health insurance keeps going up! The cancer rate is going down, as well as people with incurable diseases like HIV and the like. Obesity, on the other hand, is going up, waaaaay up, like the needle on your scale and your cholesterol numbers. With obesity going up, so are insurance premiums. The reason why premiums are going up is because the national weight average is going up!

On the other hand, the price of joining a gym ranges from $250 to $500 a year. That’s about $21 to $40 a month, not including initial costs and fees. Plus, if you spend that money, you’ll be doing something good for yourself! Something else will go up too: You’re heart rate! When your heart rate goes up, your body burns more calories, when calories burn, you lose weight. When you lose weight, your insurance premiums go down. I bet you that if you spend two months at a gym, you’ll save about $21 dollars a month in insurance premiums!

But, like everything else that requires hard work, there’s a whole bunch of excuses to go along with joining a gym. All the time, you hear people bitching and moaning, “It’s too hard, it’s too stressful, it hurts my back, I don’t have time….” To these few, of many many more, excuses, I say this:

“Of course it’s too hard at first, your body hasn’t moved since you were 4 years old…lazy ass.”

“If it’s too stressful on your joints, decrease the weight. you’re not Lou Ferrigno, more like Drew Carey. Does he look like he works out?”

“Of course it hurts your back…You know what else hurts your back? All that weight in the front! Your spine has to support that! If it really hurts your back you HUGE baby, put an ice wrap on it…”

“You don’t have time? Well you certainly had enough time to shovel all that food in your mouth, contributing to you being fat, unhealthy, disgusting to look at, great to make fun of and one of the reasons why health insurance is going up…”

Do you see what I mean, people? Excuses are like assholes…everyone’s got one and they all stink. How about this? If you want to work out but don’t want to go to a gym for fear of people making fun of you, buy some used equipment for your home. It costs an average of $375 for a good, used home gym….and no monthly payments! Your excuses, now, are starting to dwindle.

I’m serious, fat-ass people, you need to get in shape. You could at least lose some of that body fat. If you had half the ambition to join a gym that you have eating yourself to death, insurance would go down considerably in this country! Please, us thin people beg you: Put the double-crust meatlovers pizza with extra cheese down and pick up that celery stick. Stop riding through Wal-Mart on those little f&^king scooters that block the ailes and start walking. And, please, when you start walking, don’t walk side by side until you lose weight. You look like a fleet of interstate tractor-trailers. Walk in back of one another. I feel like running for cover, I think I’m gonna get run over.